Good Day Friends,
And welcome to the inaugural Planet Fun Fantay Draft – Celebrity Sex Scandals. The concept is elaborate, so hang in there with me while I try to explain it: 6 people drafted the celebrities they thought would be most likely to be involved in a sex scandal. I’ll pause, allow you some time to re-read that so you can truly figure out the high-brow concept of this draft.
On Tuesday, Bob Sacramano laid out the rules, and we have been meeting in secrecy on the Planet Krytpon to keep the results confidential. Ladies & Gentlemen, I give to you: The Celebrity Sex Scandal Draft!
Our seven drafters requested anonymity. I’m assume because they’d prefer the term ‘fame whore’ to continuously show up when their name was plugged into Google. But their alias’ are listed below as well as their draft order
Daryl Hall – Reverse Peep Hole
Coach Hayden Fox – Orlando Breakers
MattDotRich – Veronica’s Closet
Rick Sacramano – Balls Deep
MV – R. Kelly’s Urinal
Bob Sacaramano – “Hacked” IPhones
- Daryl Hall: She: 1) peaked 3 years ago. 2) is in a loveless marriage with B.A.G. (she’s stilll in love with TheBeef) 3) allegedly had sex w/ Michael Bay on top of his Ferrari to earn the role in Transformers. 4) In May 2009, confirmed her bisexuality 5) Her last 3 movies were Passion Play (I’d never heard about it, but I guess it sucks), Jonah Hex, and Jennifer’s Body. 6) Is a sex symbol with a floundering career.
- Coach Hayden Fox: Because, I mean, come on.
- Matt Dot Rich: Because maybe, just maybe a celebrity party-crasher who ran off with the guitarist from Journey might be big enough of a fame-whore to be interested in some leaked-fame.
- Rick Sacramano: Chick is approaching 40, and her famous perfect tits scene in American Pie was 12 years ago. She is an attention seeking whore, who is going to want a little bit more of the action and she needs a way to pay off her stupid poker gambling debt.
- MV: She’s poised to be the biggest thing on the planet. Thousands of cameras will be focused on her, so I’m guaranteed at least one upskirt shot as she’s getting out of her limo. She’s also dating one of the biggest stars. If he breaks up with her there’s no amount of handling that can prevent her mental breakdown. This could be Britney and Justin 2.0. Plus, I can’t think of anything better then a celebrity sex scandal with selena gomez. We can only hope.
- Bob Sacramano: Literally this person is such a fame whore that she has gotten 15 different plastic surgeries, been on I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, and has appeared on more day time talk shows to talk about said surgeries. All she wants is fame, and the best way to get it is to put out a celebrity sex tape. Also her significant other, Spencer Pratt, is just as big of a fame whore. That alone doubles my chances.
- Reverse Peep Holes – Megan Fox
- Orlando Breakers – Lindsay Lohan
- Veronica’s Closet – Michaela Salahi
- Balls Deep – Shannon Elizabeth
- R. Kelly’s Urinal- Selena Gomez
- “Hacked” IPhones – Hedi Montag
- Bob Sacramano: Yes, I know she has already had nude photos appear on the internet but I see more in her future. She literally oozes sex appeal. If she had a sex tape come out I wouldn’t even bat an eye. Plus, she just made news for making too provocative of a video in Ireland where she was half naked on a farm.
- MV: his really is a no brainer for many reasons. One, she shows her “cuca” on every episode of the Jersey Shore. She likely had sex with Mike because, Les-be-honest, why would he lie about that. The Situation strikes me as the type who would videotape himself without a girl knowing for review in the film room after the game.Likewise, Jionni is a guy who does not like being embarrassed as we saw from last weeks episode. Him and Snooki are still together (I follow her on twitter) and there is definitely a tape of him plugging that meatball. He could “leak” this tape the next time Snooki dances on the pole at Karma. To top it all off, the Jersey Shore is ending and she’ll need to up her game to stay famous. Frankly, I do not see how this one misses.
- Rick Sacramano: I am surprised I was able to pick this one up so late in the game. She is an absolute game changer. One day this whore is going to wake up and realize that she can’t act and she absolutely can’t sing, so the next logical step is to get banged on camera. I bet you there is one already made, she hasn’t released it yet because she is still riding high on her jail-bait ass right now.
- MattDotRich: “Photoshoot fresh, looking like wealth, I’m about to call the paparazzi on myself.” Paparazzi’s constantly following her, so you’re guaranteed a couple cheap points. Unless that woman from the Lifetime movie “William and Kate” gets to her and teaches her how to act like a lady. Pippa’s done some things. I’ll tell you that. Just a matter of time, friends. Just. A. Matter. Of. Time.
- Coach Hayden Fox: Because she seems kinda fucked-up.
- Daryl Hall: because every middle aged woman trusts him and I find that disconcerting.