A month ago I opened up an article trying to explain the NBA lockout by saying:

“While the matter at hand is complicated, the reason for the lockout is simple: The owners are reporting that they are annually losing in excess of 300 million dollars.”

On Monday, upon news that the NBA Player’s Union has disbanded in an effort to be able to sue the National Basketball Association, I’m reminded that no matter this large can ever be simple.

In the aftermath, in the face of what is increasingly likely a lost season, one question keeps coming up: What side do you blame? My answer is easy:

Everyone. I’m mad at literally every single person involved in this entire process. 

To bring you up to speed, my original statement does hold some water: This lockout – that term is important to remember as it is the employer who is not letting the employee work – is over what is perceived as an unequal split in revenue that resulted in reported loss of over 300 million dollars by the NBA owners.

I find it necessary to input here two things about the reported “losses”

1. Again link to the article by Malcom Gladwell who points out that while these owners may be taking “losses” on the team, but capitalizing on the presence of a Professional basketball team in other business ventures such as parking lots, nearby restaurants, etc.
2. Remind you of the chief argument from the players side: The now famous quote from Etan Thomas “If the owners want to be businessmen, they should be accountable for bad decisions.” Some of these owners are failing in business 101, they’re outspending what they’re guaranteed back in.

•  For example, one of the hardest lined owners is Michael Jordan, owner of the Charlotte Bobcats. The Bobcats are scheduled to pay 47 million dollars in player contacts. The top 4 highest contracts are: Corey Maggette: 10 mil, Boris Diaw 9 mil, Tyrus Thomas 7.5, Desagna Diop 7 mil. That’s not a system issue, that’s an owner paying entirely too much money to players who couldn’t possibly generate that money back in revenue in a small market that’s already once failed to support an NBA team. 

Throughout negotiations the focus of the lockout has been on a figure known as BRI ( Basketball Related Income). Under the previous system that split was at a 57 – 43% split in favor of the NBA Players.

This number was negotiated down, and publicly accepted by the players union to a 50-50 split – pending system tweaks - that would equate to a 330 million dollar give back from the players to the union. That number would exceed the owner’s reported losses.

One more thing about those reported “losses”:  No NBA team has ever been sold for less than what it was acquired for. In realty terms, this concession by the players means that the owners bought a house and the players agreed to pay the price to maintain it.

With the 50/50 BRI split agreed to, all we needed to do was the owners to concede to what the Player’s union considered “minor tweaks” on system issues. The owners wrote a proposal, didn’t concede any of the real system issues the players had been looking for, so the player’s went into a meeting, reviewed the proposal, decided they had been bullied too long, and came out with a stick of dynamite.

Blow it up. Shut this down. Kaboom.

That’d be awesome if this was a movie starring the Rock. But it’s not. This is a labor dispute: We’re taking it to the courts against a one in a kind business. And if the NFL Labor negotiations showed us anything it’s that the player’s union is probably not going to get a better offer. If anything, the players will be lucky to get an equal one.

They didn’t take the chance, with every news outlet covering their press conference to say “Hey, we’re close and I think we’d accept this, but we need these three things in order to make a deal” to FOR ONCE in this five month negotiation send the PR tetherball the other way. They were finally given an ounce of leverage and rather than use it they opted to come out with duct tape road flares on their sides and screamed out ‘bomb.’

Now we’re facing losing a season.

And what for? Because a group of millionaires got tired of being bullied by billionaires, the millionaires threw logic out the door and let their competitive spirits take over.

And that’s where we’re at now:

Millions are going to be deprived one year the varying joy that the National Basketball Association presents because a group of millionaires and a group of billionaires are caught in a pissing contest.

We’re out of the NBA because two groups of incredibly wealthy groups of people are fighting over money that they shouldn’t possibly be able to use in six lifetimes. At least half a season because the owners felt like that 20 mediocre players should make 5.1 million dollars a season and the players thought they should be able ot make 5.3

People like myself who spend breakfast reading TrueHoop, eat lunch with the guys at the TheBasketballJones, spend dinner watching the east coast games and lie about our whereabouts on Friday nights if there’s a good west coast game have a completely vacant schedule because the player’s association was tired of getting bullied. We’re arguably out the last great seasons of Tim Duncan, Kobe Bryant and Boston’s ‘Big Three’ because the players association decided rather to act logically, the players wanted to show off their grape fruits and take a small battle in this enormous war, no matter how illogical the decision to win that battle may be.

Ballboys, ushers, ticket salesman, beer guys are out of their livelihood. Searching for a paycheck because the NBA owners couldn’t simply win by 99 points, they had to make it a cool 100. Sports bar owners, restaurant owners and other services that rely on the NBA will be financially paralyzed because the NBA owners wouldn’t throw the players a bone and let them ‘have one’ to take home to their families.

And the worst part is that there’s really nothing we can do. I’d encourage you to sign the very reasonable petition on NBA Fanifesto, but realistically, even the greatest effort by them and by us will do nothing.

We’re the ones who are locked out – while we wait for two groups to solve a labor issue that has surpassed financial reasoning and logic. We can do nothing but sit here, watch Marcel the Shell With Shoes on Pt 2 on loop, and wait for the world’s greatest sport to return.

For three long days, or approximately 4% of the length of time Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries were married, I’ve stood by idly watching the Kardashian hate-articles fly: The articles slamming Kim for a scham marriage, speaking ill of her for ‘faking a wedding’ for profit and publicity, and talking about how miserable of timing this is when you consider the hot button topics that this marriage flies in the face of (a 10 million dollar wedding in a recession, and a ‘scham wedding’ when gay marriage is being fought off by people claiming it goes against the ‘sanctity of marriage’).

Which is fine, and valid points if true. But I can’t help escape the feeling that these opinions are being written by the ill-informed.  In today’s world, we have increasingly gotten better at calling out ill-informed journalism. Villaifying the people who speak without really knowing the issues or the facts. Discrediting those who choose not to do their homework and speak freely based off of second-hand information.This applies to almost all fields; except the world of pop-culture.

Allow me to introduce a new perspective: The perspective of the (relatively) informed. A perspective of a 27 year old male who watched BOTH parts of “Kim’s Fairy Tale Wedding.” A riveting two hour program that ripped into the depths of the Kardashian-Humprhies ceremony. And I, like so many others walked away from the program thinking the same thing:

Kris Humprhies is the worst.

Just a terrible person. The bro of all bro’s. A walking ‘how not to act’ of a guy who says things like “People hate me at first” while failing to realize that there comes a point where people get tired of reminding a person that they resent them.

In a 2 hour, Kardashian produced program entitled ‘Kim’s Fairy Tale Wedding’ the editor’s of the show couldn’t find a single bit of material that made the groom look like a redeemable person. In search of a prince, through what I’m sure is literally days of recording, there wasn’t a single bit of tape that made Kris Humprhies look like anything besides a complete back of dicks. The closest he came was when he decided to grow a mustache for the Wedding rehearsal because that was “all he had left” (this, I believe, came after Kim nix’d his idea for having fried dough stands at the wedding).

And if you want to turn to the Kardashian’s, I think “scham wedding” is probably giving them more credit than they deserve.

They had a lavish, televised wedding. What was to be expected? This is a family who – despite what is always said – is famous for something: And that’s the fact that millions of people tune in to watch a show based off their lavish lifestyle. Why would the wedding of the most famous member of their family be any different?

If I were to have my guess on what happened, here’s how things played out: Kim, whose always seemed to be in love with the idea of being in love (which is a nice way of saying that the over/under on her amount of divorces is 6.5) got a little taken away by both her sister’s wedding, as well as the Royal Wedding (Kim’s engagement was announced three weeks after the Brit’s wedding).

Planning and production got under wraps, and as Kim started to think about how terrible of a person Kris Humprhies is, she was reminded by the fact that 18 million dollars was invested into this wedding and convinced that once things ‘settled down’ she could right all the wrongs.

And for shame: All those hard earned advertisement dollars out of Diet Coke, Tide, Febreeze, and other ma & pa products (that are clearly intended for women) flushed down the toilet . Because surely if they weren’t going to invest in advertisement dollars for the Kardashian Wedding they would’ve all chipped together, bought a hot air balloon and rained cash over the nation’s most poverty-stricken areas.

With the NBA announcing the cancellation of the first two weeks of the season, there’s been an increase in interest on the state of the NBA and why there is a lockout. The following is a cliff notes version of the NBA lockout, written by an idiot, including links and quotes from people who are in fact, quite intelligent.

While the matter at hand is complicated, the reason for the lockout is simple: The owners are reporting that they are annually losing in excess of 300 million dollars.

While that number is surely inflated or “enhanced” there seems to be enough signs to show there’s some validity to their claims on losses: Despite increased interest in the sport, this league has still gone through multiple changes in ownerships and team re-locations,  and the league still had to take control over a failing team after they were unable to find a buyer despite the team having a bonafied superstar. Even the NBA players’ willingness to concede certain things in negotiations (we’ll get to this) seem to point out that, yes, the current system is not working for NBA ownership.

With that, the negotiations have been revolved around finding a system that would find a better balance. The owners are searching for a system that would all but guarantee them a profit, and the players  are pointing out that these businessmen  should focus on being better at their own jobs: Highlighted perfectly by current NBA player Etan Thomas when he explained “If the owners want to be businessmen, they should be accountable for bad decisions.” Essentially: Spend more wisely, find more opportunity.

On that note; this is probably as good of a time as any to link a great article by the author of “Outliers,” Malcolm Gladwell who rightfully pointed out that while these owners may be “losing” money on their team, they may be capitalizing on the prescience of a professional sports team on other ends / business opportunities (parking lots, nearby establishments, etc).

Aside from the CBA (the deal with the players), the owners still have to work on an increased revenue sharing program to help assist with the smaller market teams. While those details still need to be ironed out, a huge domino has reportedly fallen in line as reports state that Lakers owner Jerry Buss has agreed to increased revenue sharing. The Lakers, along with the Knicks would seemingly have the most to lose in an increased revenue sharing system. Here, Henry Abbot masterfully points out what teams in the league are most likely to support the increase of revenue sharing.

For the most part, the reports on the negotiations between players and owners seem to focus on the split of Basketball Related Income – or BRI: A split between the league and it’s players on the percentage of all the revenue the NBA brought in.

The previous CBA agreement called for a 57 – 43 split in favor of the NBA players. Meaning the players are entitled to 57% of all profit the league makes (from everything to TV deals to summer camps. Here is a breakdown of everything that’s considered revenue by Salary Cap guru, Larry Coon: Therefore, a player’s salary is never necessarily set in stone: As it can increase or decrease based on if the league made more or less than what they speculated (which is also why the salary cap changes year to year).

And it’s the BRI that made Monday’s cancellation so upsetting – because the sides were so close, and the finances work out where it appears that the only thing that’s stopping an agreement might be pride and ego – not common sense and financial responsibility.

Reports state that only 3% points – or 120 million dollars – separate the two sides. With the NBA owners seeking a 50-50 split, and the players requesting a 53-47 (which to be fair to them, is already a giveback of 160 million dollars of the debatable 300 million dollar loss figure presented earlier). And here’s why that’s especially frustrating

The players are holding out for an additional $120 million in 2011-12, but holding out costs them $82.4 million per week. They would lose everything they stand to gain this season in less than two weeks. On Monday the league is expected to announce the cancellation of the first two weeks of the season, which will cost the players $164.8 million.

Over a six year agreement, the players would burn through the $796 million in a little under 10 weeks. If they continue to hold out for 53 percent, and the owners hold firm at 50 percent, the players will reach the break-even point around December 16th. If the sides settle for 53 percent past that date, then the players would have been better off by taking the owners’ offer of 50 percent before games were cancelled.

Source: Larry Coon http://espn.go.com/blog/truehoop/post/_/id/32334/the-player-salaries-lost-to-a-lockout

Essentially, if BRI is truly the issue (reports state that there are other smaller things also) the players are fighting for an annual difference that is exceeded by the amount of money they just lost by the cancellation of the first two weeks of the season (holding out for 120 vs 164.8 lost in salary).

Though blame for this can’t be solely be brought on the players: As Adrian Wojanowski rightfully pointed out three weeks ago – The commissioner never gave these players an out. He backed an inherently competitive group into a corner, and refused to give the slightest concession to the players to make them feel like at least they got away with something. 

Instead on Monday, Stern and the owners got even more aggressive: Requesting to limit Larry Bird Rights (ability to pay a player who’s been on a team more than any other team), and increasing luxury tax (amount paid when go over the salary cap) in an effort to limit spending. Two ideas that kind of backup Bill Simmons’ age old anecdote: The owners need protection from themselves.

And that’s where we’re at today. Lost games for the fans, lost paychecks for entry level employees, and all for what, ego?

Because it’s been light posting, slow news, and because there’s nothing much on the release calendar I’m looking forward to. Here’s my 10 favorite albums of 2011.

10. Dale Earndhartd Jr. Jr. – It’s a Corporate World

Favorite Track: Morning Thought

9. Peter, John & Byorn – Gimme Some

Favorite Track: Second Chance

8. Ryan Adams – Ashes & Fire

Favorite Track: Lucky Now

7. Foster the People – Torches

Favorite Track: Don’t Stop (Color the Walls)

6. The Decemberists – The King Is Dead

Favorite Track: Down By The Water

5. My Morning Jacket – Circuital

Favorite Track: Wonderful (The Way I Feel)

4. The Weeknd- House of Balloons

Favorite Track – House of Balloons / Glass Table Girls

3. Bon Iver – Bon Iver

Favorite Track: Holocene

2. Jay Z & Kanye West – Watch the Throne

Favorite Track: Gotta Have It

1. Wilco – Whole Love

Favorite Track: It Dawned On Me

Ugh. Sometimes I feel like all the awesome Party Anthems are intended for the ladies, AM I RIGHT FELLAS? It’s like yeesh, this is the greatest party anthem in the history of party anthems and it’s JFTL*! Why isn’t there any equivalents for us? Someone needs to write a party anthem for the fellas, STAT. Dood Joose, 9 Bro’Clock P.M, Stud Soss, all of these are great ideas for party anthems intended JFTD*. We could be making millions! Get the House of Carter’s on the phone!

——

*Just for the ladies. How do you feel about that abbreviation? I kinda want to make it my thing. I’ll be the JFTL guy.

“Ugh TIMMY! I was TRYING to make a sexy video for my BOY-FRIEND!  Can’t you see I’m wearing my loose fitting ‘Cancun 2006′ shirt, my flexible-jeans, and DANCING while lyp synching TO AKON! WHY MUST YOU RUIN ALL MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR HILARIOUSNESS! I was just about to send this painfully awkward video to Timmy, but NOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?! You think I can just re-capture THAT kind of magic?! You think it’s EASY to dance to Akon like someones got a gun to my head forcing me? These beats are contagious! I’M TELLING MOM AND/OR CRYING IN THE SHOWER”

Just like there are good singers and great singers. There are good points and then there are GREAT points. And this is a great point: Ya, people ARE making money off of him, and it’s not right. Where’s his paper? HE’S the one that killed it to “California Gurls” and HE’S the one who changed the one who ended “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” with his moving rendition of “Like a Prayer”. SEND THE FREIGHT TRAINS OF MONEY HIS WAYS, INTERNET. My  man needs more disc men!

The Planet Fun continues it’s first ever Fantasy Draft: Celebrities most likely to be involved in a sex scandal.

Click here for Part 1

Click here for Part 2

Clik here for the Rules

Click below for the final rounds, 4-6

To Recount, here are our team as of this moment.

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Reverse Peep Holes – Megan Fox, Dr. Oz, John Lackey, Michelle Beadle
Orlando Breakers – Lindsay Lohan, Ocotomom, Michelle Obama, Lady Gaga
Veronica’s Closet – Michaela Salahi, Pippa Middleton, Jose Canseco, Courtney Stodden
Balls Deep – Shannon Elizabeth, Miley Cyrus, Kourtney Kardashian, Samantha Momsen
R. Kelly’s Urinal- Selena Gomez, Snooki, Demi LeVato, Kate Gosselin
“Hacked” IPhones - Hedi Montag, Rihanna, Nikki Minaj, J-Woww

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Round 4

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1. Reverse Peep Holes –Ke$ha 

Current Roster: Megan Fox, Dr. Oz, John Lackey, Michelle Beadle, Ke$ha

Daryl Hall: because she’s a hot mess. 

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2. Orlando Breakers – Amy Winehouse 

Current Roster: Lindsay Lohan, Ocotomom, Michelle Obama, Lady Gaga, Amy Winehouse

Coach Hayden Fox:  Because even though she’s dead, there might be some stuff laying around that we haven’t seen yet.

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3. Veronica’s Closet – Dina Lohan 

Michaela Salahi, Pippa Middleton, Jose Canseco, Courtney Stodden, Dina Lohan

MattDotRich: After pictures of her making out with Lindsay surfaced I’m not ready to rule out anything Lohan-related

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4. Balls Deep – Janelle Evans 

Shannon Elizabeth, Miley Cyrus, Kourtney Kardashian, Samantha Momsen, Janelle Evans

Rick Sacamano: This girl is currently on MTV Teen Mom 2.  She just lost custody to her child to her own mother because she couldn’t afford to fight her mother for custody in court.  Add that with the fact that she actually leaves her own child to just go out and party, and thats an equation for one mean ass chick who wants to get more famous and more money with a nice big sex tape.

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5. R. Kelly’s Urinal- Farrah Abraham 

Selena Gomez, Snooki, Demi LeVato, Kate Gosselin, Farrah Abraham

MV: Rick has the right idea and following in those footsteps, I select Farrah Abraham from season 1 of teen mom. She had a baby at 16 so she is DTF fo sho. She’s also giving up the kidto go to college in Florida. I wouldn’t be surprised if she ends up on the bang bus. 

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6. “Hacked” IPhones - David Arquette

Hedi Montag, Rihanna, Nikki Minaj, J-Woww, David Arquette

Bob Sacamano: The man is out of his mind.  He is totally banging his partner from Dancing with the Stars.  He is also a prominent partner in a crazy night club called Beecher’s Mad House.  A sex tape is not out of the realm of possibility.  

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Round 5 Review:

Reverse Peep Holes – Ke$ha
Orlando Breakers – Amy Winehouse
Veronica’s Closet – Deena Lohan
Balls Deep – Janelle Evans
R. Kelly’s Urinal- Farrah Abraham
“Hacked” IPhones - David Arquette

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“Hacked” IPhones : Emma Watson 

Hedi Montag, Rihanna, Nikki Minaj, J-Woww, David Arquette, Emma Watson

Bob Sacamano: Harry Potter is over.  She didn’t get the role of Lisbeth in the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series.  Plus she went to Brown.  Lots of hippy freaks out there.

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R. Kelly’s Urinal: Chris Brown 

Selena Gomez, Snooki, Demi LeVato, Kate Gosselin, Farrah Abraham, Chris Brown

MV: With my last pick I take Chris Brown. He’s relishing his evil villain role after putting rhianna in her place and it is rumored that he knocked up his girlfriend. I don’t think he gives a shit anymore and I am hoping that translates into a sex scandal.  

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Balls Deep : Eva Longoria 

Shannon Elizabeth, Miley Cyrus, Kourtney Kardashian, Samantha Momsen, Janelle Evans, Eva Longoria

Rick Sacamano: Because as a man, I need this.

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Veronica’s Closet - Guy Fieri 

Michaela Salahi, Pippa Middleton, Jose Canseco, Courtney Stodden, Deena Lohan, Guy Fieri

MattDotRich: Coincidentally, my logic was also ‘as a man, I need this.’

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Orlando Breakers - Courtney Love 

Lindsay Lohan, Ocotomom, Michelle Obama, Lady Gaga, Amy Winehouse, Courtney Love

Coach Hayden Fox: Not because anyone needs it, but because it seems entirely 

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Reverse Peep Holes - Hedi Watney 

Megan Fox, Dr. Oz, John Lackey, Michelle Beadle, Ke$ha, Hedi Watney

Daryl Hall: because she really needs to break through that glass ceiling to become a superstar like Erin Andrews.

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Round 6 Review:

Reverse Peep Holes – Heidi Watney
Orlando Breakers – Courtney Love
Veronica’s Closet – Guy Fieri
Balls Deep – Eva Longoria
R. Kelly’s Urinal- Chris Brown
“Hacked” IPhones - Emma Watson

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Final Rosters:

Reverse Peep Holes – Megan Fox, Dr. Oz, John Lackey, Michelle Beadle, Ke$ha, Hedi Watney
Orlando Breakers – Lindsay Lohan, Ocotomom, Michelle Obama, Lady Gaga, Amy Winehouse, Courtney Love
Veronica’s Closet – Michaela Salahi, Pippa Middleton, Jose Canseco, Courtney Stodden, Deena Lohan, Guy Fieri
Balls Deep – Shannon Elizabeth, Miley Cyrus, Kourtney Kardashian, Samantha Momsen, Janelle Evans, Eva Longoria
R. Kelly’s Urinal- Selena Gomez, Snooki, Demi LeVato, Kate Gosselin, Farrah Abraham, Chris Brown
“Hacked” IPhones - Hedi Montag, Rihanna, Nikki Minaj, J-Woww, David Arquette, Emma Watson

The Planet Fun continues it’s first ever Fantasy Draft: Celebrities most likely to be involved in a sex scandal.

Click here for Part 1

Clik here for the Rules

Click below for the exciting Rounds 2-4 action.

To Recount, here are our team as of this moment.

Reverse Peep Holes – Megan Fox, Dr. Oz
Orlando Breakers – Lindsay Lohan, Ocotomom
Veronica’s Closet – Michaela Salahi, Pippa Middleton
Balls Deep – Shannon Elizabeth, Miley Cyrus
R. Kelly’s Urinal- Selena Gomez, Snooki
“Hacked” IPhones - Hedi Montag, Rihanna

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Round 3

1. Reverse Peepholes: John Lackey

Current Roster: Megan Fox, Dr. Oz, John Lackey

Daryl Hall: Because of his divorce, millions of dollars, and terrible play on the field.

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2. Orlando Breakers: Michelle Obama 

Current Roster: Lindsay Lohan, Octomom, Michelle Obama

Coach Hayden Fox: because that would be pretty crazy, right?

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3. Veronica’s Closet: Jose Canseco 

Current Roster: Michaela Salahi, Pippa Middleton, Jose Canseco

MattDotRich: Twitter meltdown everyday, recently evicted, broke up with former playboy playmate. 

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4. Balls Deep: Kourtney Kardashian 

Current Roster: Shannon Elizabeth, Miley Cyrus, Kourtney Kardashian

Rick Sacamano: The forgotten Kardashian.  She has a sister who had a sex tape ‘ruin’ her life and in the process propel her into main stream media (household name).  She is tired of being the forgotten sister and will want to flash those fake titties from either her Cell Phone photos or from rocky boyfriend Scott Disick who has been known to hate on father Bruce Jenner.  If those two finally split up, then let the photos and videos flow!

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5. R. Kelly’s Urinal: Demi Lovato 

Current Roster: Selena Gomez, Snooki, Demi Lovato

MV: Demi lovato will never be as famous as her bff selena gomez unless she has a celeb sex scandal.  Sure, she has skyscraper but what else? She already has tried to kill herself an has a minor addiction problem. She’s the next Lilo. Konichiwa bitches!’

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6. Hacked I Phones: Nicki Minaj 

Current Roster: Hedi Montag, Rihanna, Nicky Minaj

Bob Sacamano: This chick has definitely made a sex tape.  I have a gut feeling.  We just haven’t seen it yet.  We will and I’ll rake in the big points.  Honestly, look at this chick and think about it.  She has definitely made some homemade porn.

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Round 3 Review:

Reverse Peephole: John Lackey

Orlando Breakers: Michelle Obama

Veronica’s Closet: Jose Canseco

Balls Deep: Kourtney Kardashian

R. Kelly’s Urinal: Demi LoVato

Hacked I Phones: Nicki Minaj

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Round 4:

1. Hacked I Phones: Jenni “J-Wow” Farley 

Current Roster: Heidi Montag, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, J-WOW

Bob Sacamano: Did you see MV’s selection of why he picked Snooki?  Please copy and paste most of that in to this selection.  Also, her significant other Roger looks like the type of guy that would secretly film them banging and release it when something happens.  Honestly, another game changer.

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2. R. Kelly’s Urinal: Kate Gosselin 

Current Roster: Selena Gomez, Snooki, Demi Lovato, Kate Gosselin

MV: This could be a potential sleeper.  How will she have the time?  I don’t know, but she’s giant fame whore.  A sex tape would propel her back onto the cover of People, US Weekly, and TMZ. She has already been accused of sleeping with her bodyguard while John banged 22 year olds.  This is a big reach, but could pay off big.  

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3. Balls Deep: Taylor Momsen 

Current Roster: Shannon Elizabeth, Miley Cyrus, Kourtney Kardashian, Taylor Momsen

Rick Sacamano: I just feel like every girl on Gossip Girl is a fame seeking whore.  Also, this chick is trying her hand in an actual band and we all know what can happen on the road.  People are going to realize that she can’t sing, and forget about her, like we all forgot she played the little brat in ‘How the Grinch Stole Christmas.”  Some groupy is going to get a fetish by saying he banged one of the ‘Whos’ and release a video, at least some photos.

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4. Veronica’s Closet: Courtney Stodden 

Current Roster: Michaela Salahi, Pippa Middleton, Jose Canseco, Courtney Stodden

MattDotRich: Because she is a terrible, terrible person.

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5. Orlando Breakers – Lady Gaga 

Current Roster: Lindsay Lohan, Octomom, Michelle Obama

Coach Hayden Fox: Because I could see her releasing some really weird sex tape that involves really weird costumes and attempts to deconstruct fame or 21st-century sexuality or something like that.

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6. Reverse Peephole: Michelle Beadle 

Current Roster: Megan Fox, Dr. Oz, John Lackey, Michelle Beadle

Daryl Hall: because she lives in Hartford, CT and is an avid dog lover.

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Round 4 Review:

Hacked I Phones: J Wow

R. Kelly’s Urinal: Kate Gosselin

Balls Deep: Taylor Momsen

Veronica’s Closet: Courtney Stodden

Orlando Breakers: Lady Gaga

Reverse Peephole: Michelle Beadle

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