I know a lot of people are going to watch this and laugh. “LOL! She can’t stop sneezing” But I want this video to become a PSA of sorts: Stop sneezing. You’re being obnoxious.
Listen, I know that sometimes one of the sparkles fly off your ‘Eagles’ sweatshirt and it causes a tickle and you gots to sneeze, but how many times do you have to sneeze before you decide it’s probably best to dismiss yourself to find a Kleenex? This girl sneezes THIRTY NINE times. THIRTY NINE! That’s literally 13 times past the acceptable amount. Once you hit three sneezes, it’s Kleenex time. That’s how society is supposed to work. Also, don’t fix your hair with the hands you just sneezed into thirty nine times. That’s what your Eagles sweatshirt sleeves are for!
And while I’m going all L.D on the subject, I’ve got a real problem with all the non-sneezers out there, most of you are females. Listen (LADIES!) sometimes you just gotta let those snots fly! The reason you’re almost sneezing dozens of times in a row – and really causing a scene – is because you’re trying to fight nature. Just let it go, I swear it’ll be like 1/50th less obnoxious then having to hear you try to hold it back for nine minutes. That way we can get back to focusing in on the article about Sex Slaves being found at a Karaoke Bar we were TRYING to read.
Hey Parents!
Gather your teens around, because this guy has A LOT of good points to make. Also, he’s VERY relatable to teens!
I remember when I was going through all of this with my first child* and I was like “Hey, Don’t do drugs and watch out for the sex stuff,” and my kid* was all like “DAD, I don’t want to talk about this stuff with YOU, I need something I could relate to!”
So long story short: I hired a guy with a beard, wearing a fishing hat, who was VERY skilled at playing the banjo and it turned my child’s* life around**!
So have the family circle around your Compaq Presario and prepare to learn about sex and drug education THE FUN WAY!
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*My tamagotchi pet
** Until he died because I stopped virtually feeding him cuz I was wicked into Mighty Max
Celebrate Friday with this kid on the left stealing all my signature moves:
Listen, I don’t know where this kid saw me dance, but it’s pretty clear he did Finger-Guns with my legs spread shoulder apart has been my Ace for about 10 years now. Perfect for any situation: “Congratulations on getting married, check out finger guns” or “Happy 80th birhtday Granma, check out finger guns.”
So you say to yourself, OK, I guess someone else could come up with finger-guns by themselves. It’s a HUGE universe, ya know? But then my man is going to bust out ‘Aggressive Tooth Brush’ at 1:52 and pretend like he invented the game?! C’mon dude, that’s my closer. The one that makes sure the ladies coming home with ME tonight.
So ya, I’ve put in a copyright law suit and hope these kids get deported to that town inFootloose.
Source: Videogum
This is pretty much every argument I’ve had with one of my friends* after 2am. Each word yelled, all syllables pronounced equally.
I PAID FOR THE TAXI AND I SAID I WANT TACOS. I’M 27. YOU ARE NOT 27. YOU ARE BAD. GO HOME.
Source: Videogum
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*That’s a blatant lie, there’s not one person. I just thought it’d be funny to footnote this and see how many people thought it was them.
“Under ‘Reason For Leaving the Company’ you simply wrote ‘Goose Parade.’ Could you please elaborate?” – Your Boss
